Accidention
by Naissus
Summary: Bugger and disaster; in which Sirius overhears something and then realises something else, and James's quest for Lily's favour takes a turn, but why does this make Remus twitch and start hearing voices? SBRL-centric, what else?
1. Conversation

**Chapters:**

**1. Conversation: in which Sirius overhears someone admit something personal.**

**2. Action: in which James gets himself and Sirius an actual date, but Sirius frankly has other plans.**

**3. Interaction: in which James has a Thing and Remus's brain stops working.**

**4. Elation: in which there is embarrassment galore.**

**5. Accidention: up soon.**

**

* * *

**

_This is kind of a pilot. Wrote this one a million years ago, unfinished, but I'm trying to finish it. So crap at finishing things. Might end in a few chapters with something like - so then everyone realised they loved each other and then Naissus stopped writing, because she is rubbish at writing happy stuff. It's all unrealised love and death and lycanthropy up there._

_That was a nothing introduction, so I'll hurry it up and blather on about the Marauders, I think we all care much more about them than my inability to stay on task._

_:) Enjoy._

* * *

I'm a _bloody pervert_, thought Sirius gleefully, without a hint of remorse.

Eleanor Jane wandered into her bedroom and Evans, that ginger James is always prattling on about like the proverbial lovestruck puppy, started talking, but Sirius isn't interested in the words.

He positioned himself more comfortably in the cupboard, eye pressed to the hole in the wall. It was made (possibly by James, that bollocking _genius_) by a thick nail pushed too far through long ago, and is easy enough to look through without anything being noticed, so long as you are quiet.

And suddenly Eleanor Jane stripped to her purple undergarments, and Evans also started getting changed- but it's not what Sirius is looking at.

_Remus _is in the room.

_Moony_, twitched Sirius's insides. And suddenly he heard them.

"Was kind of black, short, no straps." Ginge was saying. Lucy? Lacey?

"The slut!" Eleanor Jane squeaked in outrage, discarding a flowery blue number and holding up a slippery little white elastic thing against her body.

"Really revealing things scare normal blokes" helped Moony. "Wear the blue thing."

Is Moony- _advising_ _girls_ on _dresses_? There isn't a part of that Sirius likes.

"White won't work, Jay, it'll be like Magda MacGilligan when she went blonde. Try this one- here." Dark, beautiful Eleanor Jane bent over to find the dress in a drawer but Sirius barely cared.

Since when had Moony and Lily (_that's_ it) been sitting so close? And he's allowed to watch her change now, watch other random dorm-mates change? Sirius felt like he'd been overturned off his chair.

Some other random blonde bustled in (it's really true, they all walk around in bras and knickers) and dragged Eleanor Jane, half in and half out of some kind of hideous pointless candy-striped dress thing out. And it was just Moony and Lily, and she was not wearing any freaking trousers. Merlin, why do none of these half-naked girls notice _there's a bloke sitting right there on the bed_?

Lily lay down on the bed and offered a meek, sideways smile and elbowed Moony gently in the side and he let out a little noise, drawing back.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just thinking."

"'Bout what?" persisted Lily cheerily, laying on her front next to him. Sirius saw that her jumper rides up a little, and so Moony pulled it gently back down over her side, almost without thinking. And Sirius suddenly felt very odd. It was just the gesture- how involuntary, the tenderness, the caringness. The decentness of the bloke that Moony is. At that moment Sirius would be lost on the head of a pin he was so small.

"'Bout stuff," he mumbled, after a bit.

"Where's Sirius today?" she asked casually. At the mention of his name, Sirius jumped a tiny bit and pressed his eye harder to the hole.

"Oh, leave it alone" he snapped, but Lily smiled and poked him harder in the stomach and he snorted and pushed her hands away. "Playing Quidditch or something, don't know, not like he has to tell me anytime he does anything."

Sirius had a little pang in his stomach. Moony looked almost melancholy. He realised that James and Peter are both on that Muggle outing and he'd gone off by himself, to spy on random girls, without a word. Moony didn't really have many other friends (he'd assumed) and suddenly Sirius felt terrible. Weighing the two scenarios in his head, waiting here in this dark room just so he could brag to Prongs after, or having a laugh and intelligent discussion with Moony, who has elegant long fingers and a crooked smile and- and well hands down he wouldn't care if he ever saw boobs again.

"I can't stand seeing you so sad," said Lily with this annoying weak little smile.

"Why? You're not making me sad."

"But I'm not helping."

"S'not your job. Anyway, you are," he said calmly.

Sirius then began to feel very acutely aware of his espionage, and very uncomfortable that he was now a party to a very secretive, private discussion of Moony's feelings, and those things just _never _come out to air, and he isn't just spying on some random girl, he's spying on Moony and this is just way more intimate.

And he's definitely not meant to hear this discussion of him. Something started welling up inside, because when you hear something like this it's impossible to unhear it.

"What about it?"

"I don't know."

"How do you feel, then?"

"Just feel- weird," he was saying quietly, staring at his hands.

"You feel sad?" She was like a bloody dog with a bone. That's supposed to be him. _He's _Moony's bloody dog with a bone.

"No, I feel bloody _sick_."

"What else?"

"I don't _know_." and Moony sat cross-legged and started looking at her really seriously, looking very much like he might cry. "Like, why doesn't it all just fuck off, and leave me alone."

"Why don't you just tell him how you feel? Have a mature discussion."

Moony laughed.

"With Sirius?"

Lily started banging on about something else.

But he didn't hear because then it all slows down for a little bit. Sirius didn't fall over in shock or even sit down, partly because he can't make any noise or move much but mostly because he's not even surprised. Which is crazy. But he's always known about Moony. Something is just different about him, about them, a weird little touch or a glance, or something. And he _knew_. He's known for a long time. Maybe he's known forever that Moony fancies him. His gut twisted and he flushed, even though no one was around. He just didn't know that he knew.

That was the surprise.

He tried to focus on what they were saying.

"Oh, coming from _this _lesbian" giggled Moony.

"Yeah, you wish, you lot all love all that don't you!"

"They do! It's so odd!" he laughed, rolling around on the bed next to her. Sirius's eye had a bright red line around it. This, is odd. His being like a completely different person yet the same one they saw every day. And it all makes sense. The Marauders would all kind of neglect him, not meaning to, but he would quietly excuse himself almost, he would never ask anyone for anything. He sought refuge in among the girls, and the girls love the gays, don't they? They kind of make pets out of them.

Sirius clenched his fists.

Except they _don't_, and that's not what this is and suddenly he's so jealous of her he has to dig his fingers into his palms to not smash through this wall right now and kick her stupid smug wise calm face in.

Sirius panged as he watched them talk, letting the realisation creep in. It filled him with the most horrible sense of loss and unfulfilled and helpless and everything. Moony has a kind of whole other life, almost, different friends, a circle that _he isn't a part of_. How dare he?

"-and if you just go and find him, Moony-"

"_I don't want to talk to Sirius_" Moony said sternly to her, maybe sulkily.

His ears pricked back up.

"Know you don't want to _talk_" she teased softly, rolling her eyes. Remus blushed fiercely again, shoving her, and Sirius's heart is pummelling hard in his chest. Oh Merlin, he shouldn't be here. His chest thudded so loud they _must _be able to hear- but he couldn't tell whether being here was bad or good. Would he have rather not heard this? No.

And the rest's a haze. There was more talking, much more, and Sirius's legs hurt from kneeling, and he heard it all. And finally Moony left and Lily went to sleep and Sirius crept, so quietly, out of the cupboard and back to boys'.

He was left shaky and confused and feeling very small. But at the same time it was like things fitting into place. It was a very different dorm he was going back to. He half expected Moony to leap across the room onto his face on his return but he didn't even look up when Sirius got in, just made a noncommittal welcoming noise from within a deep book. As he did every single day.

"Hi, Moony," said Sirius softly, feeling a sudden rush of love toward him.

"Hey Sirius," he said, looking up pleasantly surprised like he was wondering what was going on. If only he knew.

Sirius, walking over to him, shakily muttered: "I'm cold Moony, put the book away, the poor thing, you're wearing it out." Wondering what prank was about to be tested on him, Remus followed instructions looking vaguely amused.

Sirius threw himself at the other boy, hitting with a thud and wrapping his arms tight around him, digging his face into the delicate skin of his neck, into his innate Moony-ness. After two whole hours as a ghost wandering around inside Moony's head, Sirius needed him to take notice of him, _now_.

Remus hugged him back happily and snorted indignantly and squirmed as Sirius scraped his teeth down the side of his neck. He'd half expected Moony to turn crimson again and go giggly and uncomfortable as soon as they touched but weirdly, this was an entirely normal, sane reaction. Sirius hung on tighter, needing the comfort. And then Moony murmured "you don't feel cold."

"Well I am" said Sirius as sulkily as he could muster, but internal glee seemed to have decided this would be a good time to shoot up and down his spine; it's all very peculiar.

"Here" grinned Moony, their faces a little bit too close but Sirius just stared at him and didn't move away. After an awkward moment, Moony broke his gaze, reached over and tapped Sirius gently on the back of the neck with a soft thing. Sirius put the jumper on.

"So what's prompted this sudden display of affection?" Moony said with his thin, bitten lips, shuffling a load of papers together briskly.

"Just missed you today" Sirius admitted, and it's not even a lie. Remus tried to get his dopey crooked smile under control.

All guilt about knowing had evaporated now Sirius is back here and he feels a million times better.

It was the next morning when he awoke that Sirius knew exactly what he was going to do about this. He's going to mess with Moony's head. And he didn't know why or how and he didn't really want to, but it made a happy pulse start to beat in the pit of his stomach to think of this, now. And out loud it sounded like a ridiculous, terrible idea, but somewhere something seemed to be telling Sirius that getting Moony all worked up would be very, very fun indeed.

He looked over at Remus obliviously searching for something in a textbook, all efficient, and oh haahaa, it's not like he is completely devoid of practice in _this._

* * *

_So, there it is. The next chapter is planned to include a cunning James, a ravished Moony, a helpless Sirius and one of Lily's friends very, very happy. Please drop me a review if you thought this was anything and want to see more. Cheers :)_


	2. Action

It's Arithmancy and while Meredith Humphreys is staring at Sirius, James is staring at Lily. Again. Lily's pretending to be staring at her notes but really she's spying on Remus. Remus isn't staring at Sirius too because he's more subtle than both Meredith and James, although then again that's no great feat, as would be demonstrated if you included a herd of stampeding elephants into the scale of Subtlety, for comparison (although why would you).

Sirius and Remus sit next to each other anyway of course, and Remus is just staring at Sirius's hands on the desk. Lily observes this with mild amusement. Bloody pervert that Moony, you never do think it of the polite ones with meek brown eyes and charming smiles.

James, for his part, pretty much assumes by now that Remus is asexual and so has no questions to ask him about why he's staring at the desk. Plus, he's much more concerned with trying to get Lily's attention by flinging bits of parchment into her hair. Sirius, he thinks glumly, is being particularly unhelpful today; he's scribbling something on a suspicious piece of parchment that James does not like the look of at all, and he's being generally disobliging and uncooperative. Refusing even to assist in the parchment-throwing.

Arithmancy begrudgingly ends. Peter and Sirius troop conspiratorially off to God Knows Bloody Where. James grimly packs his things.

"Buck up, mate" sighs Remus. James just groans in response, and trails to the door. Remus goes through it, and waits for James to do whatever buggering stupid thing he has planned this time. Lily and her little blonde friend make their way to the door.

Remus rolls his eyes when James whips round.

"Wait here" he hisses.

"I'm not-" and Remus sighs, more to himself as Prongs is of course, wondering what Fresh Hell the world is about to unleash at his poor unsuspecting feet.

"Lily?" calls James confidently, striding into the classroom. Remus does not like this one bit. Poor James.

"Yeah?" she says, and he's practically ripping his scalp off.

"You're Ursula, aren't you?"

"Er. Yeah" says Blondie, confused. James smiles very unnervingly. Lily's eyebrows look like they are about to disappear into her hairline.

"Sirius wanted to know if you'd be interested in meeting him for a butterbeer next weekend?" he says, flashing her a winning smile.

Remus knows Ursula: she's funny and lively and petite with straight blonde hair and pearly teeth. His jaw unconsciously clenches. Ursula's fancied Sirius pretty much since she first laid eyes on him, and he's never paid her much attention, just smiled confusedly like the vain peacock he is, and all of this James knows. Tricky _fucker_.

"Double date, I was thinking?" he says bravely. Yep, tricky bloody fucker, that was quite clever actually. Lily raises an eyebrow again, and takes a deep and meaningful breath, but Ursula's eyes have lit up and she quickly agrees for them both.

"_Right_. We'll pick you up" gabbles James very quickly before Lily can open her mouth, pretty much flying out of the room and dragging Remus along with him. Lily gets out of the door and can only open her mouth and offer him the palms of her hands and say nothing as Remus stares helplessly at her.

James has a tight hold of his arm and he barrels down the horrible corridor with its horrible mobs of people.

"What have you _done_?" he demands, breathless.

"I'll persuade him! I can do it!" cries James, mid-leap over someone's bag.

"_Moony_" yells Lily, but they've disappeared from sight.

_**Back to the street, back to the place, back to the room where it all began.**_

Gentle footsteps toward Moony's bed. Gentle prod in the shoulder, and gentle voices.

"I'm freezing my arse off, Moony, budge over."

"Mmnn g'way" he mumbles, brow furrowing. "G'nnoy Prongs."

"He sleeps bloody sideways. Budge, Moony, go on" he whines, nudging Moony's shoulder repetitively.

"Nmm" he snuffles, moving over. Sirius smiles innocently at him, clambering into bed, snuggling a little closer to the warmth of his body. It's warm and heavy in Moony's bed. "Moony. You awake? I can't sleep."

A pause, and Sirius goes to pinch his friend in the side.

He starts and flips onto his back, panicked, sleepy-eyed and messy-haired. He's rumpled and helpless and beautiful. "Sirius... 's middl'a night." He cuddles up to Sirius, offering an arm placed soothingly around him, like he always used to do when they were younger and Sirius would wake in the middle of the night with his mind racing, and Moony's comforting arm would be there around him, snug and warm and comfortable and safe.

Sirius cuddles closer and digs his face into Remus's neck, not an uncommon occurrence, and slips his arm across the other boy's stomach under the covers. Moony only squirms a little, and says nothing. Sirius reaches up to kiss him sloppily on the chin. Again not a first. Sirius is very excitable and affectionate. And Moony only flushes and squirms the tiniest bit.

"I'm bored" murmurs Sirius as soon as Moony's managing to drop off back to sleep again. Sirius withdraws his arm slightly and begins to beat a rhythm with his fingers on Moony's belly.

"Stop it!" he squeaks almost immediately, trying clumsily to bat away Sirius's hands. But it's dark, and Sirius is quick. "Geroff!"

Sirius laughs, pushing him over and straddling him. This too, isn't a surprise. This is the kind of affection Sirius understands: physical, basic love. Remus lies back, too bleary to fight it, hoping Sirius will just shut down or go away, whichever is sooner. But he grabs Moony playfully and starts to tickle him behind the ears and on his neck, and he's so surprised and sleepily confused he can't help just _giggle_, actually _giggle_, just a little bit, and when Sirius doesn't let him he for some reason proceeds to wriggle violently and try pathetically to grab Sirius's hands.

Sirius is feeling good, but maybe he should stop before Moony realises, too, because that has the potential to blossom into something fairly awkward. He slides off his friend and Remus bristles, so Sirius grins apologetically, and Remus humphs drowsily that he'll get him tomorrow. Sirius pulls him close and for some reason, he accepts, murmuring half-hearted death threats. Maybe he was half-asleep the whole time.

He cuddles up to Sirius's chest and falls asleep in his arms, but Sirius lies awake for a while longer, just running his fingers desperately through Moony's hair, feeling vaguely scared of this thing he's only just realising he's unleashed on himself.

_Bugger and disaster._

And then Sirius awoke on the edge of Moony's bed with a serious problem. And no one was up yet. He snuck out into the cold and crept into the bathroom. Oh dear.

He slid his hand down the front of his pajama bottoms automatically. Oh deardeardear. This was really unplanned.

His dream had been of Moony. And it was intensely disturbing. And he could remember it so clearly. Oh, shit. Bugger and disaster. Monkeyfuck.

Actually, it was quite intense. They were wresting, or something- or together- and he could remember Moony's blushing face, the sexiest thing he could imagine, flushed with the stuggle with dark, glittering eyes and a huge grin. It's not often Sirius sees that grin. Often, Moony's face is knitted into worry or carefully veiled from the world by a bland, non-threatening smile.

And now Sirius has woken up in bed with him and he's stiff and throbbing and it's too far. He creeps to the bathroom and sits against the door. It had been the clearest, most enticing, terrifying dream he'd ever had, and he began to seriously worry about whom he'd never really considered allowing anyone else to have. Bugger. Bugger, bugger, bugger and disaster.

Sirius slipped his hand inside his pants and the dream came flooding back, every detail, every hair on the nape of Moony's neck and every jerk of his body as Sirius found a particularly sensitive spot-

Oh, yes; the dreams were worst. Every night since, horrible, wonderful, shivering things happening, playing out in his mind until he woke up. Chest banging, and face pillar-box red. And he really couldn't help it. He'd wake up all in a state and Moony would be there, staring at him vaguely concerned from across the room.

"Bad dream?" he'd ask sympathetically, knotting his tie.

"Actually no" Sirius would mumble, confusedly.

And every time he saw Moony, which was a lot, he would immediately feel huge and clumsy, so unlike himself that Moony even asked him several times (absent-mindedly tucking a strand of his black hair behind his ear which just didn't help anything) what was up.

Sirius Black was definitely _not_ having _any_ of _this_ bullshit. Bugger and disaster.

* * *

_Before you ask: no, I have no idea why this chapter changed to being in present tense and then switched back to past. Things just come to you in tenses and then you can't change it, you know?_

_Maybe the third chapter is the last one, depending on the state of my angst:joy ratio when I write it. If I'm miz, characters tend to stay sadder for longer. P__lease gimme a review to let me know if anyone's actually reading, plus they're amazingly treasured. Suggestions on what might happen next also may be valuable at this point._

_;)_


	3. Interaction

_This isn't a proper chapter, or a proper scene really. It's just a little something that happened that I decided to put down, and to lead onto the next bit coming shortly. I've had inspiration :)_

**

* * *

**

"AAUURRGH" cried Sirius, quite out of the blue, flinging his body to the side and wrapping his arms around his head. "Arggh, g'way" he whimpered, still mostly asleep.

Prongs raised one eyebrow at Remus and he shrugged, and went back to writing. Peter emerged from the shower, flushed and shiny, and dressed in his robes. By then, Sirius had blearily woken up, redder than Peter and on edge.

"Good sex dream?" James sniggered.

"Die." He scrambled into clothes, his back to them. Peter pointed knowingly at Remus when James turned his back, and although he went vaguely pink around the edges, he gave his best withering look and rolled his eyes and shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. Like a broken puppet.

James crammed himself onto the bed next to Remus, who although having quite forgotten the previous conversation, shuffled up. James read his essay with an eyebrow raised.

"Is that your new Thing?" asked Remus.

_Is Sirius yours?_ it said.

Oh, not you again.

"What?" murmured James distractedly.

"Nothing" Remus mumbled back.

_Sirius Black, Sirius Black, Sirius Sirius Sirius Black is here, take notice of me._

"Shut up" Remus mumbled out loud, trying to remember the eighth and final symptom of Wizard's Pneumonia and finding no space in his arguing brain to process this, and pressing his forehead to the dusty, comforting, non-judgemental book.

Moony?

Shut up, he thought again. Leave me alone. I didn't ask for you.

"Moony?"

He ignored the bloody voice, taking a deep breath in, and then was shaken violently.

"_ARGH_" he yelped, and jumped up.

"Oh! Oh- er, that was actually you. Your mouth speaking. Not- oh, never mind." Sirius raised a quizzical brow at him.

"You're very like James, you know" murmured Remus, watching the book as if it might do something entertaining, and then heard himself and was disturbed. Sirius stared at him again. A thick clod of panic began to nestle in his throat, like toffee. Why can't he communicate like a normal person?

"Moony, come _on_."

"Er, what?" he said again, heart juddering in panic, and then looked up, and realised everyone was gone. Sirius looked at him like he was mad, and then brought his face very close to Remus's.

"Arithmancy. Attend. Obtain knowledge." said Sirius slowly.

"Er, yeah. Right, sorry."

Sirius gave him one last bewildered look before grabbing his arm and dragging him downstairs to class.

* * *

_The next couple of days will herald a chapter containing a very awkward encounter, one very intimate one, and one in which a case of mistaken identity proves a tad embarrassing. Oh, it'll all be very exciting. Love to my reviewers, you wise excellent people you._


	4. Elation

_Sorry for the delay. Hope you enjoy this :)

* * *

_

Why doesn't he listen to Lily? Why why why, whywhywhy_why_? Why must he thwart all her attempts to stop him doing things like this to himself?

_Always_ listen to Lily. That's an important piece of advice for the future. Providing you survive this, which is improbable. Lily, my son, is wisdom personified. Why can't he just marry Lily? Why can't life be simple, and happy. They would have very studious children, would he and Lily. They could sit around in their old age eating dark chocolate and having cups of tea. Why is he thinking about Lily, or chocolate for that matter, when he can see Sirius's-

Sirius makes a noise that sounds like someone without a mouth is trying to cough, and his ears go red. Remus whips round.

"Sorry!" he gets out, trying to shake LILY from his brain.

"No! No worry! My fault!" jabbers Sirius, and there is a great deal of shuffling. Remus waits until there is no noise at all, staring at the tap and trying very hard not to grip the doorframe because Sirius might see. When he's stopped moving, Remus turns around.

_No Lily, I've got to go back and get my notes, oh no Lily, I can't possibly come to the library with you today, I'll just study in the dorm Lily, no-one will be there, it's quite alright Lily, don't you worry._

Sirius is in his own bed under layers of covers. He's the lovely colour of blood oranges.

"Sorry" says Remus again, looking at his feet, his hands until he decides no, not the best place, looking at the window, anywhere but Sirius.

"My fault" mumbles Sirius again. It's a weird and unnerving moment, Sirius Black bashful, but Remus does not savour it or even question it because he has harder problems to deal with. Harder- oh why, whywhywhy, was he cursed with an internal monologue that hates him and wants to see him die a slow and miserable death? Is Sirius still talking?

He's still talking with his pink mouth.

"So erm, not to worry, mate, dorm full of boys, I erm, once saw James do the s- not to worry, I've erm, got a thing to do, Moony, got to- erm, read this-" Sirius seizes a book from the pile next to his nightstand (Remus has put them there because Sirius needs them for his Astronomy exam next week and he would never plan that far ahead unaided) and knocks a few over in the process. A spine becomes dented and a part of the inner Moony cries out in anguish and they both outwardly pretend not to notice, and Sirius buries himself in the book.

"Yep" says Remus, feeling dizzy. "Sorry. No. Not to worry. Dorm full of boys, bound to happen" he echoes. "Total accident, no big deal, not to worry."

"Moony."

"Yes?" he answers with far too much enthusiasm.

"Look, don't worry about it. Chill. It happens."

"Yes it does" he agrees vigorously. "_Chill_. Indeed. Excellent plan. Er-" he considers going to his bed to read, as originally indented, and then imagines a silent room with the occasional shuffling of pages or clearing of throat being the only company for two boys, both of which are hard. And one is for the other.

"Got to go" Remus almost shouts, instinctively and urgently, as if the door is about to slam locked and imprison him here. "Got to, er-" what's the polite term for Run Away Because I've Just Caught You Having A Wank? The internal monologue just said the word wank. This is a horrible nightmare. If only he were married to Lily. "- meet Lily." Oh yes, beautiful, sweet Lily, thank Merlin for Lily.

Sirius clears his throat and dips his head and Remus's skin crawls and downstairs he _tightens_. He always knew there was a reason they wore robes. Beautiful, loose, lovely robes. Excellent things. Excellent. He shuffles awkwardly in his own skin.

"Good. Right. Go, find Lily. Lily's great. Erm, have a nice- uh." Sirius gives up, and Remus bolts.

The Prefects' Bathroom is lockable and secluded- and occupied, so Remus stumbles painfully to the equipment shed and no one's there. Beggars can't be choosers.

It's dark and really cold. The twigs crunch under their feet.

Lily shivers and clutches James's arm.

"I'm scared," she mutters meekly, looking over her shoulder. The woods behind them howl and creak. She clutches it harder, digging her fingers into his bicep and pressing herself closer against him.

"I'm here" he says manfully, and she shivers again, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Thank Merlin for you, James Potter" she lisps, looking adoringly up at him. Something shouts from behind them and they both start, her leaping a foot in the air in a girlish helpless kind of way, and he in a forcefully angry fashion, grabbing her close to him and pointing his wand at the danger.

"Get back, Snivellus" he roars at the oncoming storm, and conjures the patronus.

Lily is in the middle of trying to tell him how manly and forceful he is and what she is going to do for him later tonight (it involves handcuffs and feathers, and dark chocolate. She's actually disturbingly like a cross between Padfoot's and Moony's ideal women) when James is rudely shaken out of sleep by thunderous laughter.

"You were protecting Lily from Snape again" gasps Remus. Sirius is cackling so hard he's red in the face and can't even speak, but he does manage to do some kind of stupid action, flicking his wrist like a twit, brandishing an invisible wand, other hand on his hip. When he does, Remus dissolves back into helpless laughter and James realises that his left hand is still pointing fiercely at the ceiling.

"I hope you're both eaten alive" he says with dignity at all times, and flumps back down in bed, ramming the covers over his head.

* * *

_Tomorrow: a case of mistaken identity. Please review if you want me to continue. Also, ideas appriciated. :D_


End file.
